An Assistant Director's view of Bollywood

Forget All The Movie Making Pathshalas Of The World. There’s nothing like learning first-hand on the job – even though the pay may be peanuts.

Known as Assistant Directors (ADs), they are the unsung heroes and of late also unsung heroines. In fact, scores of fresh college graduates are signing up as ADs in the hope of becoming independent directors some day. Cut to Kiran Rathod on the best moviewallas to work with and the worst.

The lowest ring in movie making is that you have to handle the clapper board, yelling, “Scene 2, Shot 10, take 3…” The cinematographer wants you to exit faster than is humanly possible from the frame; you have to hold your breath while the shot is on.

Or light the director’s 100th cigarette, clear the ground of gutka wrappers and fetch mosambi juice for the heroine’s aunt. No problems. This is cinema education and I love it.

In six years, I’ve progressed from the ground level of a clapper boy to the exalted position of a chief assistant director. And what do you know? My name comes on, in solid block letters, in the credit titles.

THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE VERY MOODY

It goes without saying that the assistant director’s portfolio has its pains and pleasures. Rather than paying through our noses to learn direction formally – which invariably means flying to America’s UCLA – we get movie literate at the rancid studios. Or if we luck out, on locations exotica. The world’s the limit.

Expectedly, we are paid like casual labourers, denying us that little thrill of filing annual tax returns. If the film features saleable stars, the meal menu figures every delicacy in the rotisserie… if not, hey just grab a vada paav at the end of the night.

Plus, at the end of the movie’s production, many regret that finances have run out, were shown the door with that unconvincing line, “We will call you to clear your dues.” The phone never rings.

The age of an AD ranges from 20 to 29. There are at least 300 of us at any given time, the fringe dwellers. Apart from the usually uncontracted exploitation, we have two other factors in common. One, we dream about solo stardom. Two, we are incurable film fans.

If I’m writing this piece after years of assistantbaazi, it’s to salute film personalities who have treated everyone from Ads and the lighting crew to spot boys as team members and not as inferior geeks.

Sanjay Dutt: The no hang-ups dude, chills even if it takes an eternity to set up the next shot. When he cusses, it’s not with malice. Takes time to show up for the morning shift but when he does, delivers the goods at Ferrari speed.

Shahrukh Khan: Effortlessly creates a buddy buddy ambience. Memorises dialogue to the last comma, pacing up and down for five minutes in a secluded corner. Makes every visitor feel special. If someone is in need of money, organizes the cash discreetly.

Salman Khan: Moody as hell but kindhearted. No discrimination in dealing with technicians, Ads and catering guys. If the director or co-actor rubs him up the wrong way, he either freezes or takes follow-up action – including bouts of rage.

Sushmita Sen: If she takes a shine to you, wow. She even calls you “darling”. She cares for her staff, has a strong off-screen presence.

Aamir Khan: A stickler for order, excellent with his staff. If the Lagaan supporting cast acquired cosy homes, you know who the Good Samaritan was. And hey, he married an AD.

Karan Johar: For any aspiring nirdeshak, he’s the dream director to work with. Has a fiercely loyal circle of ADs. If he’s the best paymaster in the biz, that doesn’t hurt either.

Farhan Akhtar: Demands unflinching efficiency and ADs running around with walkie-talkies. How cool is that? Also knows that after a hard schedule, its party time.

Yash Chopra: Has always had the eye for spotting directorial talent (now with son Aditya). Does not pay handsomely (at all) but believes in a fair degree of equality in boarding, lodging and travel during the shoot.

Urmila Matondkar: Punctual, professional. No nakhras, doesn’t declare World War III if the vanity van doesn’t show up. Doesn’t launch into method arguments just before a shot is ready, a director’s delight.

Kareena Kapoor: So emotionally connected that she will even do a free item number for her favourite AD (Love Singh’s Kya Lovely Story Hai… or it the other way around).

AND THE WORST…

Boney Kapoor: Excellent with stars, indifferent to others.

Feroz Khan: You live in fear when he might want you to dress up in a bikini and play a violin at Juhu beach.

Amitabh Bachchan: Too moody, yaa.

Ram Gopal Varma: Gives great breaks to his ADs, but only if they believe in his sort of movies, only shot at Versova, Dahisar and Vasai. Only RGV can go to foreign locations.

Govinda: You have to solidly believe in the saying, “Better late than never.”

Mallika Sherawat: Attitude, attitude, attitude… but for what? She’s Himesh Reshammiya’s Heroine…ewwww.

Vashu Bhagnani: Defines nightmare, doesn’t pay… and snatches idlis away from ADs mouths.

J P Dutta: No comments.

Ektaa Kapoor: Scream queen, also rumored to slap faces she doesn’t like.

Suneel Darshan: Disorganized and some more.

Dharmesh Darshan: Falls in love too fast… not saying anything more.

Meerabai Not Out : Preview

Characters




Mandira Bedi as Meera Achrekar

Meera Achrekar, a mathematics teacher at Vishwaprem Vidyalaya, has been a happy single for quite a while now. The great love of her life has been, and will always remain, cricket and Anil Kumble. The meticulous number cruncher is, despite not being the classic eye-candy-teenage-fantasy-fodder, a huge hit in class. And that's because Meera, unlike most teachers of her school, is more fanatical about her religion--cricket--than even the school cricket captain!

Living with her family in their small home in a Mumbai chawl, Meera was initiated into her temple of Wankhede Stadium by her brother, Manoj.

Mahesh Majrekar as Manoj Anant Achrekar

Manoj Anant Achrekar played cricket at the Ranji Trophy level. Sadly, middle class making-ends-meet economics got the better of the impressive Maharashtrian leggie, and passion had to make way for responsibility. Mahesh is today a cricket cynic. While Meera bunks classes and fights for season tickets to every cricket match that is played at Wankhede Stadium, Mahesh even steers clear off cricket scores!

Eijaz Khan as Arjun Awasthi


While the folk at Bhaktiyog Society have cast aspersions on her craze towards the game, the bigger problem that worries the Achrekar family is Meera's still-single status. Love suddenly blossoms with heart-specialist, Dr Arjun Sachdeva and Meera realizes that perhaps there is more to life than praying for Team India and Anil Kumble! However, In between this fabulous exchange of text messages, Valentine's Day outings and walks along Chowpatty, she confesses to Arjun that she is already married--to cricket!

Anupam Kher as Dr. Awasthi

Dr. Awasthi, Awasthi Senior, witnesses the effigy burning hysterical Meera scream on the road and is quite flummoxed and disgusted. Despite his father's outrage, Arjun hopes the face paint has camouflaged his beloved's countenance. Not quite though, till the day Arjun invites her over and Awasthi Senior discovers her explain batting techniques to Arjun's friends. He restrains his anger but it's quite obvious, that Meera Achrekar can't possibly be a bahu in this Maharashtrian family.

Synopsis

We love cricket. India loves the game!

Cricket is the reason for our very existence. Cricketers are our Gods -- our triumphant boys in blue. Our religion? -- Cricket! Our love? -- Cricket!! Our obsession? --CRICKET!!!

Well that's clear enough.

Meera Achrekar, a mathematics teacher at Vishwaprem Vidyalaya, has been happy and single for quite a while now. The great love of her life has been, and will always remain, cricket and Anil Kumble.

So, while maiden's heart beats for Anil Kumble and India's fortunes, the more important question is: will Meera be able to commit to her non-striker beau and keep her prospective father-in-law at bay?

This season's most charming, reality-struck romance is here to warm your heart! Cross your fingers and pray that Meera doesn't have to choose between love and Anil Kumble!

Aaja Nachle divides the classes

With Madhuri Dixit’s comeback vehicle Aaja Nachle hitting the theatres last Friday, there were discussions bound to happen on how the film has turned out and more importantly how is Madhuri looking on screen after a hiatus of 5 years.

However, by Friday afternoon, the film was being discussed neither for its direction nor performances but for a sudden controversy that it had stirred. Apparently, the title track of the film had a line which offended certain lower sections of the society (read Dalits). There were protests across Northern India and by Saturday, the makers of the film had no choice but to apologize and even remove the ‘so-called’ derogatory portions.

However, the artist of the above picture has put the whole episode in a unique manner. With the initial verdict out over the weekend, looks like both the upper class as well as the lower class (pun intended) don’t really have any reason to rush to the theatres to catch this Madhuri flick. This surely isn’t any reason to dance. It even leaves you pondering whether the saying “Any publicity is good publicity” always holds true.